Hello everyone! I don’t know if this is the right time to write or not but a sudden outburst of emotions made me feel that I should not stop to write it now as the memories and emotions are aligned. It is 20th of August, 2020 everywhere. I do not want to mention other details much except for a few things that happened with me since morning.
I arrived at my workplace when I got to know about the demise of my uncle (Maama i.e., my mother’s elder brother) as my sister called me at 08:30a.m. in the morning. I was just combing my hairs in the washroom. I was blank for a minute or two. I asked myself whether I should stay in the office or I should move back to my room again. I thought for a while about it as my elder sister suggested that I should talk to my mother and the uncle’s family.
With a busy schedule as usual, the first thing I decided was to inform my boss that some unwelcoming thing had happened in our family. I told that somebody died. I did not give the details as I was not even asked! So as obvious as it is, I was not much questioned and was let to wander to and fro. As my office people are already aware of me and my way of life, I did not feel that I should go back to my room as going back would yield nothing. Since my uncle expired in Kolkata, India and with not much transportation facilities due to some state lockdowns, it was quite certain that the geographical constraints could not be managed as I stay somewhere else. So going digital was the only route to reach out to my near & dear ones.
I called my mom and talked to her but I was stunned that she was still so strong even after missing her own elder brother. As she’s staying in some other country, reaching on time would not be possible. So we all connected through social media meeting platforms. I wrapped my head with a scarf and all I could do was to be in the moment with my other family members. My cousin brother Bikky was already managing the other members in his area. The problem was that everyone were dispersed locally, nationally and globally! This meant that you cannot be weak because you cannot miss the real time and space. So did I.
I tried to balance my priorities into two; personal & professional. In the latter, my non-performance time in hours might have seemed very funny to a few who are aware of my whereabouts. Some of them found it shocking as to how I was in the office despite of a death in the family. I feel pity, if so. All I realised was that as I was wearing a scarf, something unusual caught their eyes. At least they tried to believe their eyes, if not their minds. This became more clear when I was called by a person who’s an acquaintance. He asked me to deliver the tasks for a meeting and it was not that difficult. I said ‘okay’ first but then on checking further, I realised that I must say ‘NO’ as he seemed to believe me in the morning and if my saying ‘NO’ could make it ‘look’ realistic, where’s the problem? It seemed that I was not being taken seriously as I was doing some office work and also managing my personal life. I don’t give a damn to what people think but as these days my social media life is not going that bad, so I thought of sharing it here too.
I am sorry. I don’t think you need to show off your pain when you can manage it well. I thought that this could have happened to my own father too and if this was the scenario, do you think I would have been able to do anything? I don’t have a visa currently and waiting would be the only choice. Besides, I feel comfortable even at office too because I have always honestly delivered all my work with a bit of recognition even when it was not required. I have seriously summarised a few life lessons below. Please feel free to read them and if you want to argue, we can do it later in the comments.
If you are alone, be real. If you are surrounded by people, just act as if you are in an unbearable pain. Do you know that you are far more stronger when you are alone that when you are facing the crowd? You have to carefully use your brain everywhere even if your heart cries out. It is simple. If you cannot help, just shut up and if you cannot be in the moment, go kill yourself for not being a human being. (Caution: I am not asking you to kill yourself! ) The first thing I would do would be to simply ask a person, “What happened? You look not in a good form today” instead of just assuming things. I knew nobody felt right when they saw me but not a single soul in real time & space asked me about my whereabouts since morning and they call themselves so busy!
You decide who’s busy! The one’s working from home or the ones just being at home for lunch & dinner? In my case, my workplace offers me food and money and I don’t think that I should lag behind. Thanks to the great managers! Yes that’s the reason that Everest cannot be an ambition for everyone even if they wish to summit it. It’s fine. I am not telling that one shouldn’t try but there are times in our life where you just need to drop your pens and look at the person sitting in front and ask them, “How are you?”. By the way, I am just talking in general. So I am not personally blaming anybody.
I might not be a great human being but I can tell you frankly one simple thing that there’s no harm in being selfish, if being selfless leads you to misery. When I called uncle’s family, I realised that it was too late to even ask them about how they could be feeling. Their loss cannot be compensated with any amount of grief but the grief of separation is inescapable. His daughter tried to be so firm while I was talking to her over phone that I felt strong too and felt that if this happens to me, I must be ready to overcome the challenges. It was just a family thing and I am taking it to a step ahead not to get condolence messages but to get relief from the strains caused by the stress which is inescapable as we are all mortal. I don’t know if I could stand with my head held high when such things happen to me in person. All I realised was that crying makes you stronger. Cry enough may be not too loud but also cry within if its manageable. Yes, be famous. Its important as it really makes you strong. Write. Good vibes always help even if we cannot own it but at least we can share it which is why I thought to share the loss of my uncle who was like a father to me, at some forums.
I do not need your likes for this dear, but all you could do is to pray for the well being of the family as a whole. True that. Shout for help. Cry out because nobody hears you unless you are loud but don’t show off. Have a heart and a brain too.
Thanks.
I will get back to writing some good stuff for my readers. Love you all. Wish me love and luck as usual. I love you too 🙂
#thevibes
the vibes 